You think the Elephant Man ever tried to pick up chicks claiming all his appendages were elephant-sized?
I think we should make Neil Patrick Harris a permanent part of our role playing.
Her bed is on wheels, so we woke up in the kitchen.
I take your lack of response to mean that your hands are taped to 40 ounces of something.
50 year old business women like dick too. Come on she said you looked like Ricky Martin.
I think I used your jacking off shit when I showered. I couldn't see shit, it was all oily. Fuck power outages
That's not how these arrangements work. You don't buy each other stuff unless you break a sex toy. End of story.
There were two girls and a guy on a bed and now i can put porn director on my resume.
ok it turns out chain mail does not protect against falling down a flight of stairs. please send help.
Uhh... I think I meant "Be proud, I'm taking shots before my public speaking test." "Coffee and vodka is not good" and "Also, I'm giving blood drunk."
You got kicked out after 30 minutes, 3 beers and 2 shots. Group record. Also you kept rubbing his belly and calling him buddha.
Everyone is out there getting real jobs and I just realized I've been "washing" my clothes with fabric softener for two months.
Considering we're about to fuck, I really need your girlfriend to stop liking all my Facebook posts.
She left you responsible for her guinea pig for what, 3 hours? And it somehow died under your care? I will no longer trust you with so much as a beer.
He had been licking my nipple for like 5 minutes and it wouldn't get hard. He asked me to lick my own and when I did, instant hardness. I realized I'd rather have sex with myself then this guy ..
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