happy early fathers day!!!
im not a father
about that...
your idea of a balenced meal is a microwave frozen burrito, a cup of ramen noodles, and a can of budlight. honestly tell me how your resolution is to lose weight,
Kayla got stiches in her face. Rode in an ambulance shotgun. Tried to steal a baby, thought it was mine
Was that not clear on Friday when I nearly deapthroated two ice cubes?
You were pretty dunk by the time you introduced the vase as your best friend.
Was this before or after he told that homeless man outside the bar about his past sexual experiences?
I just got a reminder alert on my phone for an event I titled "Bradley getting stupid high with me in bed." I assume we planned this during the party. I'm down if you are.
Get your clothes on you are our DD for the night. The usual three way payment
We will go to karaoke
Okay, well, i'm covered in paint, haven't showered & have already been drinking, so if I fall on the floor in a blaze of depeche mode & beer tears, you can't pretend you don't know me
We took a walk on the beach after the bar, he held my hand and kissed me. And then I peed under a lifeguard stand. It was so romantic.
that game of battleshots got way too fucking intense. why does the couch have burn marks now.
Coming straight to your house after the flight. If not in Federal Prison for disobeying peanut laws.
It's hard to talk dirty with a mouth full of peanut butter
Get the fuck in, we're going to Taco Bell.
It was only a blow job in his car. It's the same as giving a friend a back rub.
Randomize
