I just walked by a homeless man reading the money section of USA Today...
I just realized i came back home with my lei that one night. How do i forget my bra but remember my lei?
Hah, I lost the lenses in my glasses, didn't event notice til this morning... How was the meeting?
He tried to eat me out in the bath... I said it was a bad idea, but he said it was good snorkelling practice for vaca.
At one point you starting double fisting oreos in your mouth confused about how you got out of the car
I had a moment while I was smoking where I was looking at these palm trees and I knew how dr Seuss came up with his characters.
Nothing like running into your favorite bartender in the middle of the afternoon while stone cold sober and being told your grabbed his penis the last time you were at his bar. My bad.
You need to be full form and virile tomorrow so I can live vicariously through your rub and tug.
I have to date her we need a place to stay for tailgating
He told me he felt like he was just pistol-whipped by Testicle Man.
so at 3am I stumbled into my parents house and crawled into bed with them, I need to start dating.
I fucked your neighbor. Welcome to the new apartment!
I love how u said nothing about the sidewalk sex but refused shower sex
Fuck it, I work hard. I deserve nice sex toys
Do you realize we were driving someone else’s car and I was holding the wheel while you were driving and sucking my dick. That’s NOT normal
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