I'm doing a half mile walk of shame carrying a trash bag and still very drunk. Save me. I feel like a refugee.
high as fuck. watching parent trap with my mom. keep missing my mouth.
You don't take my phone while I'm passed out, have a three hour conversation on it with Dealer Dave, set up a date with him and NOT TELL HIM THAT HE'S NOT TALKING TO ME.
This was my thought process as I drunkenly ran home: Whoa! I'm going so FAST! Why don't I run EVERYWHERE! ALL THE TIME! Then I peed in a bush and passed out on the ground.
So basically you were a dog.
There is a bottle of ciroc waiting graciously on my breakfast table. It's almost a sign for me to live up to my Russian blood.
He had seven beers and tap-danced on the table like a pro. HOW DOES HE DO IT
the tv said "its small, its comfortable..." and i started laughing... safe to say he lost any dignity he had left...
Do me a favor? If you get with him, please lick his abs. Someone has too they're just too beautiful not to.
Lol. Awesome. Seriously though, I need you focused next year. We're gone have a lot of drinking and stupid nonsense to do, and I don't want dumb shit like responsibility to get in my fucking way.
I gasped. Both pairs of lips did.
I just realized that I have to choose between a future orthopedic surgeon and a dude currently in jail. My life is so fucked.
He came over in a blaze orange vest with a case of beer and a shotgun yelling about "Dove Season" then passed out in the lawn. There he lies
I'M NOT EVEN STOPPING FOR WINE SO I CAN GET TO THAT DICK QUICKER.
I told him I lived in the apartment beside his brother and he said "oh, you're the girl that watches really loud porn!"
You have GOT to stop kicking in his kitchen door. Just wait for him to open it next time.
Randomize
