If Ritalin and Plan B had an illegitimate child it would smell like me.
Just incase you were wondering, the count of ladies who have perioded on chairs at our fine restaurant is now at 3.
Lady came into work yesterday. Full on stache and beard. I've never concentrated on making eye contact harder in my life.
she had a my little ponys comforter. i left when she went to the bathroom
been home a week and haven't blacked out yet. i miss college
I don't think I own any pants that haven't seen his bedroom floor anymore...
You know you gotta reevaluate your life when the first thought that comes to mind after you wake up is 'at least I'm still alive'
I think we can all agree that the size of her boobs, combined with beer, is destroying my ability to judge looks.
I don't know. Sometimes you can be a wild card with your emotions. Mostly the emotion known as anger.
would you like to venture to the magical clitoris forest?
YOU LEFT MY FUCKING BRA OUTSIDE OF YOUR HOUSE AND NEVER TEXTED ME.
I'm going to need a penis the size of a bat
How many times do I have to tell you I'm not bisexual.
.....unless there is alcohol involved
We’re leaving where are you
Hold on Toxic just started playing
So you just held his hand and he fucking came...?
Randomize
