I puked a lego.
Minivans at bars can only lead to bad things.
then they high fived as they party boyed me. I was a policewoman sandwhich. I love you halloween.
i hooked up with a boy reading dear john, i have to get points for that somewhere
no he gets major points for having a girl hookup with him after reading dear john
Excused from finishing the term project because my lab partner got arrested. For the second year in a row. Public school, I love you.
I don't care if shes your sisters age. Once someone is on my to do list theres only one way to get them off it
the last call horn was blaring when I tried peeling you off the bathroom floor than you uttered "Ill take the toothless one.'
I'm drinking wine alone, eating leftovers, and cleaning my sex toys. For the love of god, do not graduate.
You need to call dibs on the blond with the tits. It's your birthday.
Haha hell yea
Because if someone gets to see those.. It should be you. It's like God telling you Happy Birthday.
He is currently in a meeting and I am sexting him in Italian
And he's using Google translate to reply. Who says cross country relationships can't be fun?
I don't remember, but I believe your goodnight phrase was "nice meeting you, thanks for not macing me"
You have set the bar insurmountably high with apple pie and buttsex.
I've been really sick the past 4 days. Last night, I actually turned down a bj. I may be dying.
I'm starting to think that Cosmic Steve ripped me off
there is another microwave in the elevator.
Randomize
