its like randi wears special contacts, but instead of colors they make her eyes say "I want cock"
Remeber, hes got nothing better to offer you than drunk words and hairy balls.
the guy i hooked up with is asleep on our couch. please dont fuck him.
i woke up in the lobby of Holiday Inn on a chair sitting up straight
I need a $60 an hour job, because I have a $50 an hour drinking habit.
you do realize that we pretended we were worms for like 10 minutes and inched around on the ground, don't you?
Stop trying to get a gf and raw dog some forest beasts like sasquatch
When you wake up so hungover that you don't even wanna cough for fear of vomiting... It's not gunna be a good day.
Liquor doesn't fix sad, but it sure as hell lowers my standards for a rebound.
I'm drinking vodka. Get ready for my famous "come over" mass snapchats
I spent three hours in the ER last night to figure out that my friend just had to take a shit
Last night I crashed my housemates tinderdate, smoked his weed and then left. He felt too awkward to say no.#Empowerment
so evidently blowing a guy does not mean he will say hi to you when he sees you in class.. in case you're ever wondering
FUUUCK. sunburned vagina. this is the worst day ever. i'm not leaving my room until it peels.
in fetal position in his closet not sure if he knows im here... hugging his spongebob cake pan i stole.... now please come find me..
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