You are the one person I know will appreciate this- and I'm aware that its nearly 5 am- but I have 3 words... G spot orgasm. BE JEALOUS
I found a pair of size 15 female undies on my floor?? is that big?
i mean you're really good at taking the morning after pill...so you could put that on your resume..
yeah, i think fast in a bad sitatuion and am able to react with appropriate measures
They told me I spent half the night at the club with one ball hanging out my shorts. Apparently it got me 1 free drink, 2 numbers, and thrown out.
Time to do stuff I know I'll have to hide from my grandkids one day and everyone at next weekends wedding.
When you hit the 45 minute mark of any argument about The Flintstones, you have to realize: it's no longer you arguing, it's the cocaine arguing.
of course not. I do my best teaching on a hungover monday. I did the research. im still okay with the direction in which my life is headed.
Cracked my iPhone screen. Real bad. Girl from last night isn't ugly yet. Stop me if you still think she belongs under a bridge. You have 12 seconds.
I was short on money so I let my roommate mase me for $60
Apparently all year they've been using me as a standard of drunkenness
Just remember my house smells of thick cut bacon and I have a big dick.
Nothing screams fatass like a pizza that doesn't fit in your car
Holy Hangover.. I'm marrying whoever put this water by my bed
I got a charlie horse in my ass while masturbating. We are never been going to that boot camp again.
If I end up in the hospital remind me to order jimmy johns.
Why?
They deliver.
Randomize
