just did a line in a complete hula outfit off a chick in a devil costume. do you think hell will be this good?
I cant. I'm trying to smell my vagina.
I'm like cupid
You're a whore with a bow and arrow
What would you have done with a 40 foot neon parrot anyway?
she acted like she'd never seen someone do speed off of a desk with a rolled up receipt. and she calls herself a grad student.
all of the sudden, the other guy at the bar who was celebrating his birthday got a super inspired look on his face and then screamed at me ''our parents fucked on the same day!''
So essentially hes paying me $150k/year for the rest of his career to not have sex
SERIOUSLY? WTF! why cant I find a super hot, super gay, super conservative christian NFL player in need of a beard?
dude a monday night stripper made you motorboat her. you should get that checked out
Woke up covered in green glitter and beer. I am never leaving Ireland.
We were having an argument with his friends mom about whether it was worse that he bootycalled me at 4 a.m. or that I bootycalled him at 12 in the afternoon
Best case scenario I do a bunch of dirty things to you, blow your mind and you enjoy it. Worst case I stare at you, poke at you, smile and droll on myself, you laugh.
If I had a vagina, my apartment would have been the Atlantic
I don't think I bit anyone but I woke up to scrapes knees, bruises and new friends.
My ultimate hope is that people will hug me, smell me, and therefore think I'm classy.
Got upgraded to First Class and now I’ve got the whole Pacific Ocean to seduce the very hot gentleman sitting next to me!!! Door closing, wish me luck!
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