My Higher Power is John Stamos
so on my way home this naked dude runs right in front me his weiner at half mast screaming i'm only doing this cause its a 50 dollar dare
He gave his mom his old phone, and I am SO paranoid
Did you send adult things?
Um. Yes would be the understatement of the year
I told my new friends about my possible new chin. They said I should get my nose done first. Please tell me I'm pretty or something.
This guy just came in and told me how he bought a clock for his cat so his cat can know when he's coming home...
I want a vodka facial right about now. I'm talking about straight vodka bukkake
So drunk. Washed my hair un pancheros sink cus I was so hot.
I got to masturbate in Rome in a gorgeous hotel room. Don't try and tell me I need a boyfriend
He tried to spell out "PROM?" in his cum on my stomach during sex. It was terrible
well did you say yes?
Well sorry I accidentally spooned your mom and possibly threw up on you
Woke up fully clothed in bed sleeping on my purse.....we're back!!!
We'll just play it by vagina and see where it leads us
I just got into the cab. It smells like weed and the driver looks like someone who may or may not be really talented at playing the saxophone. He also asked me my thoughts on porn when I told him I'm an actor. I might not make it home.
If you don't wanna wax my ass just say so.
Legit hope my Trump humping Brother dies of this shit so I can stop pretending to still love him.
Randomize
