You called information & said "connect me to johnny depp" when they told u it wasn't listed u said " try depp comma johnny he's expecting my call"
His mom just asked me if I was "fooling around with her baby again" and then when I walked downstairs his dad YELLED "Look who's taking the walk of shame!"
You really need to stop fucking dudes who still live with their parents.
I just puked in the walgreens aisle buying gatorade and advil for my hangover... i guess i failed
You came into my room at 3am.. drunk.. and asked to do spanish homework together. Props for being a good student.
During sex he wiggled his hips and said "I'm turning the ice cream" Deal breaker?
My facebook horoscope today said I will have a little "confusion". Obviously astrology understands a blackout.
say it with me now .. the "golden" penis. his nickname does not disappoint.
You really need to get over the whole "jail" thing. Its really not that bad.
as much as i want to say no i cant cause i need the trophy wife training
Me. blonde. Sex. Dance floor.
Besides. I don't even really like sex because it feels great. I like it because for thirty minutes I own that guys ass.
WE SHOULD MAKE A WORKOUT ROUTINE CALLED BARCARDIO
At IHOP. It feels weird and sad that your cleavage isn't here for me to try to toss paper wads into.
I feel bad cuz I was his ride home, but I didn't know I was going to have a religious experience with a guy in a cookie monster t-shirt. You can't plan for that shit.
I felt like I was selling my soul to satan but then I realized I already pawned it for drug money
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