Update, blind date is cute and fun.
Scratch that, blind date just threw up.
I feel like sober is me a distant relative that I only see on christmas..
He wants to call Lloyd's of London and have my mouth insured.
I found out you can't leave the bar with a drink. I also found out that pouring it on the bouncers shoes is also unacceptable.
You would not believe how incredibly hard it is to climb on top of a three story apartment buildings roof from the air conditioning unit
She fell out the car soaking wet and screaming "im wearing a fedora!" then tryed to seduce him on the front lawn in front of his middle aged neighbor
She lost her glasses and we found them on the roof. Don't ask questions. Kings cup was intense last night.
I CRIED after phone sex. Am I gay?
Is it acceptable to have my intern get me pedialite and plan b?
It's a learning experience. She can add to her resume that she cured her bosses hangover and poor decisions
yeah I had to wear a fucking diaper from work home so I didn't get the shitty squirts all over my cars seats it was fucked
Please tell me those naked pics were not your mom. Lie if you have to.
Well, i'm not hugging a bag of cheetos and crying while I watch Friends wishing that we were Ross and Rachel. So clearly I'might doing better than last night.
We can only continue to use the "oh what's the difference between circumcised and uncircumcised" for a few more months before people will see through our lies
It took me longer to jump start my car and get to his house than the fucking actually took.....
hot take: drunk me can walk through walls?
Randomize
