i just renamed my vag "the sorting hat"
just puked in a purse in the store. some girl asked if i was gonna buy it now and i laughed and asked her why id want a bag some dude just puked in. her face looked like she saw the devil.
hey girl hope you're alright, you hit that tree really hard. have a good night.
while you've been gone this has kinda turned into some sort of fivesome-type thing. just thought i should warn you for when you get back
remind me again why lemons and alcohol in the crock pot is a bad idea?
he just asked if we wanted to go to an arts and crats club with him tomorrow. every day it becomes harder for me to defend his sexuality
i just peed with my friends in your backyard... do you still live here
That guy drinking savagely was actually at his buddy's gay bachelor party in the male stripper section. He came over to the chicks side so we drank with him.
He had some sort of penis-related post traumatic stress disorder, but body shots seemed to wake him up
I cried over the lack of milkshakes I've consumed in the last month
I would eat the Denny's grand slam special out of my new probation officers b hole
Just shaved my crotch so I could call it the bald eagle. Happy 4th.
That amount of times your family has seen my boobs is getting ridiculous.
I don't care. She's the only girl to make me feel like my face is melting when she blows me.
listen i get youre a daddy dom but that doesnt give you a pass to make dad jokes
I'm sorry I get my lefts and rights confused because I'm dyslexic. But, it took you at least 15 minutes to figure out it wasn't your room OR YOUR HUSBAND.
Randomize
