You were absolutely insistent that the entire bar knew that it was peanut butter jelly time
She wants an explanation of my cousins creepy foot fetish with my god sister. i don't know how I can sum this up in a text.
So if you want this MFM threesome thing to happen the other guy is here and willing
Woke up naked on my floor covered in cookies. We should celebrate fake hurricanes every weekend.
walking back to the dorm.. she is flashing evryone, demanding beads. we tried to stop her and now she just keeps yelling "Bourbon st bitchesss"... you get her tomorrow
Would you feed me pudding while my fake tan dries?
the last guy with this job had a bookshelf fall on him. He's in the Er. Im high and they gave me his shift. How do you think i feel?
You found me in the back room alone eating someone else's whole birthday cake with my hands then asked me if you could join.
Shouting "one vagina to rule them all" was probably not the best way to meet our best mates fiance
I used the hope and guess method to figure out who I slept with last night.
I saw a spider on my bed and my first reaction was to throw my weed bag to safety
Day two of not drinking, I think my cat is trying to eat me.
Psychosis secondary to sobriety???
There is a video of you making out with him, flipping off the camera, and holding the plastic flamigo that you had just stolen out of a yard
Write this down so you can tell me in the morning. "That bartender needs to be in my mouth."
I'm in the Sheetz parking lot waiting for dad to finish a drug deal.
Randomize
