so im watching realhousewives of jersey with my mom. she just said they werent really rich bc they were doing their own makeup.
Just saw a guy wearing pink jeans and i bet he's straight. Fuck 2009.
Im at a party and this guy hitting on me just showed me his 'caution choking hazard' tattoo right above his penis. There goes any chance he had of getting laid tonight.
there's got to be a less slutty way to tell him the baby isn't his
i just lost my virginity over my 3 hour lunch break..
u hav a 3 hour lunch break?!
i like how the length of my lunch break is the thing that phases u
My tally is now official: I have been drunk every weekend since 2008. Cheers.
Just realized the fur coat I am wearing to the wedding is the one I had sex with the groom in
wanna play who's drunker? I just made macaroni & cheese taco and offered it to the pizza Guy as a tip.
I was tied up in bed before noon, the rest of the day can go to hell.
hand jobs are a waste of time that only lead to arm cramps. Also, where do you look...his eyes, at the penis, at the tv?
yeah the "where to look" question is super awkward
I honestly think she should have her own reality show called "Lowering the Bar" and it consists of a camera crew following her from Bar to bar hooking up with unsuspecting drunk attractive men.
It's entirely possible that I'm fucking yet another gay guy
I'm drunk filing my taxes in a bar on a Monday afternoon in a Regular Show onesie. I think I'm starting to get the hang of this whole adult thing.
His junk had piercings everywhere. The dick and balls. It was a fucking pirate penis.
I CAN SEE SO MANY PENISES. There are so many visible penises here.
Where are you???
Yoga class :(
Randomize
