$35 all you can drink last night. Friend 1 woke up in a hotel lounge, friend 2 pissed himself and woke up wearing friend 1's spare pants, and my toilet indicates I threw up extensively.
chick flicks and taylor swift songs are like porn for desperate singles
He asked to "fluff my boner.."
Sometimes I find that I've been touching my boob(s) without even realizing it.
Seriously. Doesn't matter if I went out last night, work is like crafts class w.a side of facebook
Just suggested things for my dad to get my mom for Christmas in terms of "yeah you'll get laid."
Tonight just feels like one of those I'm going to lose a shoe nights.
Apparently it's bring your ugly annoying ass piece of shit slob of a baby day at work
If you need anything just hit me up
Pancakes
Noted.
No one parties "Full Karen". She once broke a couple up at the bar, ate the girl out in the bathroom and took the guy home.
"Masturbate" is an actual item on an actual ToDo list of mine. It is at the top.
I was going to learn how to knit but I got high instead.
She text me that night and asked how the dick was and I quote my drunk self "average at best"
I'm so sorry to hear about your grandmother. Also how many grams are in an eighth?
He climbed over 2 rows of the cab and told some random girl we were riding with that he would be in the back seat if she wanted to have sex
Randomize
