it's like everything I expected to see tonight all put together in one at once
that is the greatest description ever
remember that night we drank a bottle of vodka and went to mcdonalds and ordered everything on the dollar menu, twice?
we can't do that now- first b/c they got rid of that menu and 2 b/c we are broke now. damn this recession.
Facebook really needs to add a bikini picture profile tab for girls, it would really save me countless amounts of time!
you took out flashcards at the bar and went around asking guys what totalitarianism meant.
I'm done. I'm tired and there's a topless pic of me floating around the nation's largest 3G network.
no, i'm not a lesbian.. i just really want to fuck you while drinking, thats normal in a friendship.
Today was the day I stopped kidding myself and started buying the handle of vodka.
He came on my chin and called me cumbledore. i give up.
she tried strangling devon with the garden hose. pretty sure they're broken up
Hey, this is a mass text. I have a hospital bill from November, and I don't know from what. Did anyone bring me to the hospital on a drunken night that I don't remember...?
I'm going to fake an anxiety attack to get to the front of the line. Save me some brisket.
he was high. i was rolling face. we were both wearing grateful dead t shirts. at that point it's like we had no choice but to fuck
I took a vibrator for a weekend with my parents instead of a boyfriend. I obviously have my life together.
I JUST HAD TO SNORT THE REST OF MY BAG OF COKE BECAUSE THE BAG RIPPED IN THE WORK BATHROOM.
I'm guessing you feel amazing due to all the caps?
LETS GET THIS SHIT DONE. IM GONNA GET THIS SHIT DONE, FOREVER.
My pizza delivery guy was so hot I was like omg please let this be the beginning of a porno
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