It was laundry day and I was wearing last xmas undies. he took one look and went...you's a ho, ho, ho. my response you ask? for less dough, dough, dough. I'm a slut.
with a sacreligious after taste.
I'm currently trying to figure out how I woke up naked and handcuffed to my bed. Not real worried about class right now.
i've met an abundance of virgins and guys who where flip flops, i thinks there's a correlation
I've crashed the car, it's a write off. The police are here and I'm dressesd as a crayon.
Dude, Taco Bell gave me a free fiesta potatoes when I won a bet on wether I could fit the entire rim of a cup in my mouth.
Nah I'm perfectly content solely banging the married bartender once a week.
That's practically a relationship for you
I feel a bullet train of disappointment headed in your direction.
In either case, seeing now as it's basically two couples, unless we're planning to have a good old fashion orgy I think this isn't going to work out so well.
Big girls don't cry they get day drunk
I WANT MY VAGINA TO POUND AT NICE THINGS.
You're married and I'm going to make out with a stranger tonight. Isn't that weird? It's like a gap in the time space continium.
The whorange rubbed off. His white shirt was so gross at the end of the night I told him to frame it.
Don't remember anything. Melissa just said I kept saying welcome to the bat cave
Have you ever wanted to murder the Sun? To bring the life-giving fusion reactor to a bitter end because of the sheer agony it brings to your eyes as it keeps you awake. And for waking the birds. Fuck birds.
I know you can't find me. Somehow I ended up on the roof smoking a cig with the strippers that are on break. Way too drunk to deal with this right now.
Randomize
