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ok, stay where you are, be there soon
In retrospect, pretending to punch a 9 year old girl in the face was a terrible analogy to use in a piano lesson.
The hot Japanese girl in my class just said her "favorite sexy American actor is Nick Cage." That, I can work with.
I'm not giving my ex her earrings back. If some chick i hated gave me brownies i would still eat them. It's the same thing.
WERE YOU GOING TO TELL ME THERE WAS A LOAF OF BANANA BREAD IN THE OVEN BEFORE YOU LEFT FOR A 5 HOUR SHIFT??
Looking for the remote in the couch. Finding Adderall beads. Considering utilizing.
It's like split custody, only he's not a kid and they have sex with him.
I ran into the bouncer who kicked me out of that beach bar a few months ago. I told him I'd only been thrown out of two other places since then. He was proud.
I like that you're Jewish, because you can rail me on Christmas Eve and it won't be weird.
"Douchebag of the Year" award goes to the guy who didn't reply to the picture of my tits.
Nothing shouts "I'm single" like a thousand needlepoint pillows.
I don't know if I'm more excited about getting chipotle or about getting laid
Fuck you. Leave my nipples out of this. THEY DID NOTHING TO YOU
Honestly, I am sitting in my room watching Ciara videos and thinking I am super jealous of how she rides it.
You ran the halls of the dorm naked handing out condoms. You were the sex fairy. Best you can do if you're not getting laid.
Randomize
