Best moment of my life. I just got a text from some random number that said i can't wait to touch you. Her name is kiara and she had the wrong number.
I just gave my patient permission to swallow while pregnant. She was so embarrassed to ask...but her bf was really happy with the answer.
funny how all you have to say is "i'm infertile" and boys are stoked on you
No stds, not pregs, and lost two pounds. I'd call that a successful two years of grad school.
The assistant vp has a bottle of wine on his desk & I have a feeling my boobs will be making an appearance today.
He just told an 8 year old to go fuck himself so we probably won't be in the butterfly exhibit much longer.
cant tell, his cock is acting like one of those inflatable arm waving things outside the market
Unless your apartment has 3 am pancakes Im not coming over.
if i cared i wouldnt have woken you up by pouring a bottle of soy sauce on you.
is that what this stuff is?
"I'm gonna wax that ass" was the successful pick up line used on me last night. Clearly I had a few too many cause it worked..
Yeah play it cool maybe put in a kissy face though let him know you're giving an invitation for his dick
He snapchatted me the wine on the ceiling this morning
and i do believe that will be the last time you send me a photograph of our mother in her underwear.
By the way, anytime you want to go toe to toe on Doggystyle lyrics just let me know!
Who is this? Did we just become best friends?!
My housemates are judging me because I'm high at 8am and making Spongebob shaped Mac and Cheese
They know nothing, John Stoned.
Randomize
