I cut you off after you tried to do a shot out of a neti pot, down your nose.
explains the nose bleeds.
but he used his one phone call to call mom and wish her happy mothers day, that's gotta count for somethin
just went to the store to buy a mop & tampons. i feel like i just gave in to all those women jokes.
i was about to rearrange the room but realized that this is the only efficient setup where we can have sex while the other one's asleep without them accidentally seeing.
were lost, were cold and we don't know what to do with the stray cat we found.
Why have her stay eight hours when I only last eight minutes?
Its people like u that make people like me go to rehab. He has a lazy eye for christ sakes.
you were like "guys ... i think i got fingered while dancing tonight"
our poor poor cab driver
my still drunk mind thought "hey this is a really good time to stand in the middle of the street barely clothed in 20 degree weather at 4 am talking about the blow job i gave him soph year of high school"
I cried over the lack of milkshakes I've consumed in the last month
Should we go get some celebratory "I'm not pregnant" tacos?
Yupp. He's definitely a screamer.
A relationship is waiting for him to fall asleep so you can cum (finally!) while watching porn
What am I supposed to say? "Oh hey, I can't go out with you tonight because I can't picture myself sleeping with you and I was high and just trying to be nice when I said yes"?
Sexual Dilemma - Covid Edition: Flirting with a cute frat boy. The Cougar in me wants to go back to his frat house and fuck his cocky brains out. The adult in me doesn’t want to get Covid and have to quarantine in a frat house for 2 weeks\n
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