i literally forgot his name and just started calling him "waffles"
hahah your definitly as dumb as I think I thought you are. boom roasted.
i just watched a video of two girls fucking with a banana and i thought of you.
i hate you
so I woke up this morning and on their fridge, the first item on the shopping list was my virginity.
So, when he came he screamed MORTAL KOMBAT!!!! at the top of his lungs and all of his roomates yelled back FINISH HER!!!!.....yeah kinda akward
u think ur still drunk from last night? i just put the eggs in the freezer and the remote in the sink. I don't wanna fucking hear it.
We took up a collection and paid her $50 to eat a piece of meat. Vegetarian morals trumped once again by cash.
I'm gonna win the lottery and buy chinchillas and tattoos for everyone
We're both on the slippery slope toward middle age...and really shame riddled bar experiences
I vaguely remember having a cowboy explain his belt buckle to me in the bathroom hallway
He offered me handsanitizer after a hand job, you can't tell me he's not perfect!
Haven't sucked a dick since mid December. In crisis mode.
woke up to find a case of beer in the oven and a random puppy in the house...guess i had a party last night?
While I was giving him head he told me he had to go door to door the next day and "spread the word of Jesus Christ" I felt like a Disney villain out to steal his virtue.
Her hot older sister walked in on us, looked me up and down, then stared straight at her and said "I call sloppy seconds on this one" then left. I'm still debating on how I feel about that.
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