Where you are. You must stay where you are are
Where you are. You must stay where you are arewhere are youu
Where you are. You must stay where you 5eare wher are you!!
my tampon string is in my asshole... do you think i can get it out without anyone noticing?
i'd get off the bar first.
i really wish facebook had an app for when you are looking at a chick's photo album, you could just skip to the ones where she and/or her friends are dressed like skanks
I knew the sex would be bad when he slipped the rubber on and said "safe sex activated"
pre-gaming in the library. just gonna keep going until i'm too drunk to keep working and then i'll be there.
oh my god. were standing in the kitchen and were chanting "EYEBROWS" and shaving peoples eyebrows. I have work tomorrow and want to keep my eyebrows.
I think I should just accept my destiny that I'm going to be someone's second wife
My tits sealed my fate
just saw a sign in the bar that says "no more naked fridays". Where the fuck was I on these naked fridays?
Can you send me the pic of me puking with a quesadilla on my shoulder
I kept on yelling at him to get his shit together as he was puking
His Instagram is like a gay porn blog all of the sudden got conquered by the Mormon missionary that he is
Sitting on couch, workout sex makes me more sore than regular workout
I'm just too horny to handle empty house
I’m home. Please don’t call me unless you have an arterial bleed or you’re on fire. Love you 😘
The expiration date on my 40 is the same day as my 21st birthday
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