It was amazing what she could do with her one good arm.
just found out my sister was breast fed and i was not...pretty upset about that.
im shaking like a drug addict and i almost just shat my pants when i sneezed...no more patron for me
where'd the toddler underneathe the beer pong table come from?
I just saw a guy in the gym riding the bicycle while watching baseball and dipping.
My dad just called from upstairs on the house phone to tell me to bring him a beer. You tell me how I am.
Pretty sure I'm taking the break up well. Alcohol made me okay with it and drugs keep me agreeing with why I dumped him in the first place.
It's like the god of all feather dusters, but for your vagina
It really is the softest mustache
And then you proceeded to sneak behind thee bar and hold up an empty bottle of vodka and scream LOOK WHO THE BARTENDER IS NOW BITCH!
Before he comes over remember the house standards. Ask yourself "will he stalk my sister or myself in the future?". If the answer is yes, then no, he isn't allowed.
Just woke up with an entire pack of Oreos in my cheetah onesie. I've been waiting for this moment forever.
I made a booty call at 3:30 am on a Monday... I think I just became the ultimate female fuckboy. I don't know whether to be ashamed or get myself a trophy.
We ran out of toilet paper so Ive been using coffee filters
day drinking didnt prepare me for this..
It's official we're now working from home permanently. I'm getting paid to have sex and sandwiches. I hit the lottery.
Randomize
