Tell mom and/or dad that I am going to be home late. I am really blazed. Don't tell them that part, though.
Dude I think you forgot how to talk last night. We kept asking if you wanted a condom and you just smiled and made weird noises...
between my moustache and how drunk I am it will be a miracle if I get laid tonight.
I told you not to have sex with her on my futon
I didnt dude, i swear!
either that or you were eating mayo, which was the second thing i told you not to do on my futon
I'd be there a lot sooner if these damn stairs would stop moving.
I don't remember much, but my night is dated pre-Jaeger and post-Jaeger. Also, my boss may or may not have tucked me in.
A client gave me a bottle of vodka today. And he was hot with a beard. It's like he knows my soul.
As usual, I had to fight him for his car keys. Though this time he made it to the valet garage. All the Hispanic attendants gathered around and watched. Felt like I was in a cock fight.
Got stuck at my fwb place for three days because I decided sex was more important than my safety in the weather. Worth it.
Ive been high since the plane left the ground in Los Angeles and Ive been in Chicago. Right now, Im on a train headed towards downtown to go to an anime convention. At this point, I am just taking life as it comes, furries and all.
I just got a lap dance from a kid in the coconut bra... So not drunk enough for this.
I got so many dick pics last night. It was like a slideshow from heaven.
He's unconstrained by sanity, physics, or his liver.
Did my roommate wake up in your girlfriend's apartment in drag again?
lost my vibrator and now I have to masturbate manually. The struggle is fucking real.
Randomize
