I just used my 2 drink stirrers as chopsticks to get a lime out of my drink. I really am Asian.
Fist pumping is hard when country music is playing FYI but I am committed
I've thrown up so many times in the third floor bathroom of Baldwin that they should probably just go ahead and name it after me.
Have you ever chased with pilaf before? Because dont.
High enough to fry lime slices.....tasted like shit, by the way
We're going to shave my junk and take pictures of it wearing fake mustaches we found at the dollar store. They're uncannily realistic; much better than the cockstaches of my youth.
And drunk me decided to play keep away with sober me's dignity
In other more interesting news I'm going to arrange a surprise orgy. You in?
Drinking loves me for WHO I am
I'd feel bad about being drunk at the Christmas service, except for the fact that I've already had sex in this church, so this is just small change.
"This is Emily. She likes potatoes. And sometimes laughs and cries at the same time, and has a wonderful butt"
He used pronouns for his penis while sexting. I don't know what I did to deserve this.
he keeps various drugs in his kitchen cupboard like groceries. that is my new life goal as an adult.
I can't handle more than one dick at once. I become crazy. It's hard to be mellow and free spirited and polygamous at the same time.
Is 10AM too early for pizza and Dr. Pepper?
Only if 5PM is too early to be drunk. And when has that ever stopped us?
Randomize
