it was like she wanted to be a once a week night stand
he refuses to go down on me anymore when he's high because he thinks my clit piercing stares at him
soo apparently i was out of money so i stayed in the bathroom for an hour-ish passing out paper towels for money..needless to say i got kicked out
Is it possible for Craig Seger to wear a normal suit and not look like an asshole on national tv?
i guess its officially winter break. i woke up alone and fully clothed this morning.
Awkward interaction of the day: Staring at some guy trying out if he is or is not the guy that woke me up yesterday by getting arrested in front of my apartment.
Who cheats on Christmas eve? It's just asking for Jesus to hate you
After much deliberation I've decided to name my penis "Arthur", hope your mom's surgery goes well.
Well I knew we were drunk when I told you it was a good idea to shit in the ocean
he said something along the lines of "fish can smell fear"
He was dressed up as Jesus and had vodka in one hand while he was blessing everyone and splashing them with holy water in the bathroom.
God I miss you. I want to fuck your face... Then do all the girly cuddly shit too.
Novelty of the week: Getting my lipstick back in an evidence bag
Trust no bitch in laser tag. Not a single one.
The cure for a hangover evidently is not walking around in a costume in the sun towards of park of screaming children
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