I can't tell whether I'm throwing up blood or licorice.
I am not deleting the internet history anymore, now I am going for shock value.
I should just tell him this. He doesn't need to be all nice and ask me on dates and to do gay stuff like hangout during the day. I'll still sleep with him regardless.
I action rolled over a firepit. Twice. I am the action roll king
I'm cheerleading for traffic. people are staring. Why am i the only high person on the way to class?
It was like the titanic mixed with those sad puppy commercials mixed with jello shots
That's because "bed time" is my sex playlist. If you're trying to fall asleep use "nap time"
A part of me realizes this is a bad time to text. But I override it with my awesomeness
Just watched my entire extended family eat salad out of the bowl i threw up in last night.
I swear to god....if you can give yourself a brazilian you can take a fucking bullet
I don't know what to do about my nipple.
Ok, not to minimize the significance of that beautiful anecdote from your childhood, but here's a video of my penis.
Nothing like being naked and confused and clutching a scented candle...at least I woke up in my own bed though.
So were driving two hours to go to a club and Charles packed me a sippy cup full of tequila. He thinks of everything!
I'm sorry I walked in on you guys, but all I heard from outside was her screaming "Dive, dive!". Sex was my last guess for what was going on in there.
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