I dont get chicks, its like they only care about themselves and money
sounds like you understand them just fine
just won 30 on black! Ok adicteddd! Never coming back gqmbeqing is easy.
now my debit card is betting 1k whoops. im gongk eh be rich!!!
whoops didnt work. think the gambeli mashine is busters!! now im betting 2k?! bad idea?
Omg just saw this kid I went to elementary school with at the bar and he used to be cool and I was so awkward but now I have boobs so I WIN.
Journey is playing on the radio....I think it is a sign I am going to pass my drug test
i feel like when youre not in my profile picture no one knows who i am.
I don't even want to talk about it, I'm traumatized. Even the dog knew to take advantage of the most intoxicated girl at the party...
Being at this bar with grandma is a real cockblocker
I couldn't sleep so I drunk ellipticaled for an hour. Worst. Idea. Ever.
No I can't cure herpes. I'm an EMT, not Jesus.
Would I be bad if I bought a pregnancy test at shoppers the same time I hand in a resume? Or do you think it would get me the job?
As for the 14 hours of vodka. I am all that is man.
Sometimes I have to make sure these messages are going to you and I'm not about to give someone in my phone book a heart attack.
I called him a "Beautiful Bastard" with "Beautiful Bastard Hair". That is how you pick up a guy from Denmark.
it was cool until he whispered 'sounds like you need a good dicking' with a completely serious face and i just lost it
Dude I may be rolling but there's no way I can make up a 12 ft tall giant green man waving to me right now
False alarm, security just told me it's a radio tower
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