what made you think it was a good idea to trust the girl that hides tequila in her backpack?
So I'm pretty sure when I was giving a Birthday Blow J, he went to grab my boob, but grabbed a fat roll and asked "You're not wearing a bra?"
even after i explained my bobby knight costume the bartender still kicked me out for throwing the chair
my drunk uncle just explained that turkeys are not gentle lovers... and no context doesn't make it better.
I'm celebrating tres de junio so if you can help me find some sombreros ill be grateful. Also, today in 1992 Aborigines were granted rights to their land so I might need some boomerangs.
Ladies, we have an appointment at David's Bridal aurora this coming Sunday at 3pm. And an appointment at where ever tequila is served at noon.
Hey. Hey you. Just wanted to let you know that I'm adorable. FUCKING ADORABLE. That is all. This update brought to you by our proud sponsor bud light.
Just had a random flashback of you tickling some guy's nipple with your claw ring, and then him moaning and stripping in the middle of the bar. You give good memories.
It's nights like those I refer to my life motto: You can't be just friends with someone after you've seen their genitals.
My vagina is trying to run away to Boston without me.
Just ran into her dad at the strip club. He bought me a dance. I think i found a winner.
It wasn't so much a one night stand as much as one night she puked on my nightstand.
Great news I took pics last night
Warning: most of them are of you peeing while I take selfies
We did it in the bar bathroom and the bathroom attendant sold us a condom. I love Nashville
I just walked across town, stoned off my ass and barefoot in 35 degree weather for him to bust five mins in and then apologize 13 times as I got dressed.
Randomize
