I'm at the doctor and the male nurse (haha) asked me if I smoked, drank or did drugs, and when he said 'drugs' he looked me right in the eye and did a perfect wrist rocket.
It all came flooding back to me: there was a woman with one hand
I'm at the psychiatrist, and this lady is crazy.. she keeps yelling about how her HMO insurance gave her breast cancer? Adderall isn't worth this.
so then they started chanting "LET'S GET A LITTLE BIT SCHWASTED. S-H-W-...WASTED!" theres nothing like partying with former high school cheerleaders
I sold 10 pepperonis for 5 dollars last night....i fucking love drunk people
the awesomeness of being snowed in wore off after we ran out of beer and we realized we really didnt want to be stuck with everyone.
I found him in bed on a pullout couch with another dude. He had two empty puke buckets and his empty bottle of jagermeister right by his head.
I don't think I'm allowed to have Burger King. What if i just chew for taste and not actually consume. Like a wine connoisseur for fast food
My mom just offered to be my designated driver tonight. I love being an adult.
It feels like I was drinking gasoline last night.
He was so energetic. It was like screwing a bunny.
I'm debating a nap but also debating breaking into the liquor cabinet
If he comes over I probably get to fuck him and if he doesn't I don't have to pay him the $60 I owe him for weed. It's a win-win situation.
I have a vagina. So i automatically win.
My mom just asked if I wanted a mimosa when I got out of the bath.
I think everything's gonna be okay.
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