10 dollar pizza all the toppings you want. Wait Until You See This Pizza
You were running around with scissors offering people free haircuts.
I'm beginning to think I'm sterile because I definitely should be pregnant by now.
Okay I woke up in my room, snuggie on, had a water bottle in my hand my tv was on Disney channel and my cigarettes are gone. And I deleted every text in my phone but one that said 'you are absolutely welcome'
you made them have somersault races with you thru the lobby..
Shit, I may have left some acid in your bathroom last night. Has he been in there lately.
uhh when the x-ray tec was moving your head you licked his hand and meowed.. i think he knew you weren't sober
Sorry there's no emoticon for I got my period all over a guy's bed so I had to improvise. There isn't even a bed one
I put tequila in my salad dressing yesterday. Step the fuck up.
Whatever. That's why I am to be babied like a calf. I regret nothing.
I probably won't go. Last time I got drunk with those guys I just started demanding people let me touch their beards.Then I mocked everyone who didn't have facial hair.
He added me on LinkedIn while I was baking weed brownies in the boxers he left here... Is this adulthood?
i put frozen meatballs in my drink thinking they were ice cubes and I'm vegetarian wtf
I don't care that he's really strong. I need him to make me cum not fix my back problems
Sorry for face licking, I probably won't do it again.
Also, I love cats. I sat on the floor and they sat with me.
Randomize
