got woken up at 7:30 by a drunk girl asking me where she was... apparently she slept on my futon
she was in a cheetah costume
All I remember is mattress sliding down the stairs while giving him a blow-job. Sorry you had to witness the incident.
sold 4 oz of weed today pantsless. man i love college.
I feel like I knew it was fucked up, but feared that god would take my dick away if I didn't use it last night.
I can feel his 12 year old sister"s eyes barreling into my soul everytime I'm at there house..some how she knows I'm cheating on her brother or she's mad cause I stole her shirt.
After a certain point, you just want to make it work. Prove to yourself that you're smarter than the vibrator.
I can't help but feel like we would be friends still if my phone didn't always capitalize BUTTLOAD...
I'm drinking your booze since you ate my pop-tarts. I'm telling you this because I still don't think it's a fair trade.
Dude you spoke to a girl about CRICKET. She MUST want sex
I just fist bumped God in my head for last night. What a bro.
My RA just sigh me high as fuck acting like a zombie and scratching at my door. Thoughts?
You know how I said I hit my head so hard I saw two of him and tried to make out with both? Well, it turns out he has a twin.
He does impressions. Handy knowing you can get fucked by one guy and pretend a group of celebrities is running a train on you.
I think I may have just hit a new slutty low! ..... Just purchased the Costco pack of condoms... $9.99/48 pack = amazing deal! The judgement when I bust out the value pack = priceless!!!
You went after him with a sword while screaming “FAJITAS!”. And Todd was dressed as a Goth for some reason
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