Whats contracted in vegas does not stay in vegas....
his blackberry tasks were 1. take names and 2. kick ass
still haven't packed clothes. only wine. gotta love spring break
He invited me to see "alison wonderland" WHAT THE FUCK THATS NOT A FIRST NAME/LAST NAME TYPE DEAL
Every time a song comes on I get sad if glee has not a cover of it
Well on a positive note, crystal light now comes in margarita flavor
He fell off a seesaw, tore half his ear off and somehow convinced the paramedic he was allowed to have a beer while being treated
Cant wait to drunkenly tell by kids that i banged their aunt katie in a weird threesome
If I take diet pills with my edibles I'll be a perfect person
I just put bacon on a thin mint and enjoyed the shit out of it. I better not be fucking pregnant.
Moments after comforting her about her boyfriend issues I found myself in the other room showing him my tits.
dude my grandma just called my dealer. How does this shit happen to me
I have a 30 pack and enough condoms to last until tomorrow morning. Have Mystery Science Theater 3000 ready. I'm on my way over.
congratulations on joining the accidental bisexual club
I just smoked weed out of a tomahawk, then chased an armadillo with said tomahawk, I love my life.
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