fml, blew my nose and red sprinkles came out and did the splits when i sneezed
ill give you a foot job if you come over before 4
i'm in the guys across the halls apartment. i think 7 MIP guy wants me. he just got a medical marijuana card. might be worth it.
its simple. when his lips are on my clitoris i want to marry him. when they are speaking i want to kill him.
i woke up with a shattered plate next to my head.
Umm you don't wanna know how many "I'm sorry for calling you last night" fb wallposts I just had to write...
My mom seriously just told me my insurance company pays for rehab. In an email. I expect a real, not just us joking, intervention coming on. I'm not accepting a "lunch date" with that bitch.
Some random slut told me I was a good dancer then gave me a handjob. I felt like fucking John Travolta.
On the bright side I still get a $20 referral bonus at the plasma center even though he passed out during donation because he was so high.
I'm making you a bingo card for hookups of the school year 2011-12 so you can make even worse life decisions next year
What we have is to special to throw away over a woman who spreads her butt cheeks on a pool table for me...
He asked me if my princess crown was real and before I could say yes, he was already reaching to put it on. I'm pretending I'm asleep if he tries to have sex.
the day has come. I have finally reached the point in my life where I just don't give a fuck about anything anymore. it's beautiful!
A hefty woman and I mean hefty shoved her number in my pocket at the gym without as much as a hello, winked and kept walking. Going to use your bed to defile her, don't want her to know where I live or have my neighbors see! Thanks, you're a pal!
You just managed to turn Dr. Seuss into a sext. I really like you now.
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