watching elf naked is so much better than watching it with clothes on .
I fucked the bump it out of her hair. just had to let everyone know.
Ur keys r in ur purse. ur purse is on the couch. ur cigs r on ur front seat. u drank all ur wine. mollie took ur jkt bc u cockblocked her. and in case anyone asks, the saints won 31-17.
he kept his composure pretty well until he puked on the cop car
I'm going to need your assistance. I cannot walk back to the house in a bear costume.
Come down here. We are watching people walk through the paper we taped in front of the elevator.
Adderal just makes me love life. I want to do so much. I just can't stop thinking about all the wonderful opportunities we have and how lucky we are and I want to make a difference in the world. I just have to reign in my brain and convince it that changing the world starts with a college degree, which depends on studying for these finals.
I've figured out why I love winter sex. Because I make them leave the beanie on, and we all know I love a man in a beanie.
After a long night of drunk sexting I have to the ninja roll at the front door to see who showed up.
He woke up in a dragon costume, covered in bong water. That was a party we will regret missing.
all I'm saying is if you're gonna fuck a fat chick do it in a pool it's like zero gravity or something
how did you graduate high school
Last night you told me you "were too high" and didn't deserve a hashbrown.
I love 3rd shift and working at a hotel I just had a late night booty call while I was getting paid..could life get any better??
Our house drank 90 beers yesterday afternoon before 8pm so add that to the list
I absolutely love waking up to see my phone search history is "xj" "qj" "cj" "uj" and "kj"
Randomize
