Yeah, we realized keeping you in a cage wasn't beneficial to us
Its 6am. Um if my mom for some reasons asks, you stopped by my house around ten and had some wine with me. She is concerned I drank a whole bottle by myself. Woke me at 6am to interrogate..Thank god my pounding head thinks fast.
PS We had chips too. She is less concerned about the whereabouts of the chips but still a good lie always needs detail.
Security brought me back to our hotel room in a wheelchair last night. Vegas.
And if you ever tell anyone that I will fucking kill you.
you called her butter tits and then threw up in your cup. i dont know if theres any way to come back from that
One reason I feel like garbage: Kraft single wine shots
I THREW AWAY MY VIBRATOR BECAUSE IT INTIMIDATED HIM. WORST. DECISION. EVER
We just set the fire alarm off with a fog machine. What's my first instinct? Finish my drink. I think I handled that correctly.
I'be color coordinated the clothes in my closet and my underwear drawer. I'm like an advertisement for house arrest. Help.
We're gonna have screwdrivers in a cab at 4am?
Is that weird?
Youre the drunk baby that everyone wants to take care of.
What's great about college is that i can eat chocolate cereal for every meal and call it a money saving technique.
I'm sensing a Yuletide blow job in your future and by future I mean tomorrow
How about we just fuck in random places all around campus, and skip the boring relationship part?
please remind me of this if i ever start out a night declaring my goal is to see how much american honey it takes for me to forget who i am again
you've already made the comitment to pee in public you should at least whip your dick out
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