I'm at the laundry mat. This guy is here showing me his ankle monitor. The weird ones always find me.
Definitely saw about 20 people at my final that were never present before. It's like seeing who's gonna be serving me fries in 4 years.
I want to apologize 3 days in advance for what's about to take place on St. Patrick's day.
You wouldn't let me clean the puke off your face because I'd mess up your cat whiskers. Now that's dedication.
it's official, after last weekend my girl number is higher than my guy number. fix this.
I've spent more money on drugs for bonnaroo than my actual ticket. Proudly.
Yo send me the pic of me stickn my dick in the paint bucket last night
I have a diplomatic trade for you. My pants for your rum. Tomorrow?
I can't tell if my bong is gender-neutral or not
He took my virginity but also my remaining pizza. i dont know how to feel right now.
We could have a classy candlelight sonic dinner with fireball cocktails if you leave now. Twat tickler centerpieces.
I said his dick tasted like a Hawaiian Sweet Roll. And then I yelled MAHALO.
you got into a really intense arguement about protecting bees. it was wierdly arousing.
Yeah, great now I will be tampon girl
Got a blowjob while watching James Bond's "Octopussy." My 13 year old self would be so proud
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