May have finally hit rock bottom...bouncer from the strip club informed me I wore the same shirt last night
video games are the ultimate cock blocker
You totally drew a penis wizard on my closet that says "I travel for cock rock"
I got out of bed with her to go smoke a bowl with her roommate which was fine but I passed out when I went upstairs to take a piss.
Yeah.. she's probably not gonna call.
She gave me head while using a laptop on my stomach to go online. I've never seen a better feat of multitasking.
just found out they live across the street from coke dealers... rethinking the new years resolution
You're only allowed to hookup with one freshman a semester. MAKE IT COUNT.
nope. just stoned. wishing i had a golf cart.
Ugh he's so pretty though. He bit my face at the bar because I tried to steal his ID and I forgave him
Actually, I take that back. You can only have it if I'm allowed to French braid the mullet.
Nothing worse then being at the gym on the elliptical next to a guy looking at porn on his phone
He threw up on my head while I was blowing him, and then I started barfing, and the kitchen floor was a mess. Believe me, he will never, ever live this down.
Ain't no cockblock like hearing the word"HOOODOOORR!" shouted from the bedroom floor while in the middle of sex.
So what's it like to be pregnant?
It feels like I'm hungover and when I was drunk I was kicked off a mechanical bull and then trampled.
In this house, we have but one simple rule: DONT FUCKIN TOUCH MY STUFF OR I'LL CUT YOUR NECK IN UR SLEEP
Randomize
