She told me I was starting to look like a mermaid with herpes and I needed to stop it.
they ran out of cups so I just drank out of a cowbell.
Every night before bed, when I used to say prayers, now I just think to myself 'freshman sluts. Soon'
Those former-lesbian gone white-trash bars always seem to be your favorite.
that's what penises do
they tell lies.
She gives pretty bad head, but when it's in her dad's Lexus SUV it's tough to complain.
My printer just jammed because one of the condom wrappers I threw when we had sex in my dorm
The ultimate Father's Day bonding experience: Both getting bailed out of jail by mom for mooning some shithead cop.
He made me brush his hair afterwards because it made him feel like a ken Barbie.
God I hope the sex was good.
He just showed up. He's like 5'8 and brought a beer pong table that has " I love gay boys" on it. How could this go wrong
He offered to let her do a line of coke off his hard-on. She said she'd had that hard-on and it would be a bump, not a line. Everyone laughed. That's why he left.
So that answers the first question but not the second: how the fuck am I getting home?
I love you as a roommate, but you GOTTA start using the door dude..
She left a cookie cake on my porch, and the frosting reads "I'm sorry". She left me an I'm-sorry-for-punching-you-in-the-face cake.
His dick is curly. It's adorable.
Are we at that level of friendship where we can share slutty stories and not hold it against the other person at a later date ?
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