just had amazing sex with a girl I got caught with in second grade playing doctor. her examination is finallllly over
dude,it's memorial day.not getting wasted=you're a terrorist
i know you like preteen girls so i'm gonna offer you some advice...dump a bucket of glitter on yourself and walk into the sunlight. they will come running.
There were 4 naked women demanding my presence. Of COURSE I got into the pool.
I am at the point where deciding not to drink alone is worth a rocky music montage in and of itself.
I'm eating captain crunch out of a cup half full of beer so idk
So I'm about to drive his drunk ass home and he spits on my car. Before I can say, "Dude, what the fuck?!", he puts his finger to my lips and goes "shhh, its in the past."
Dude did I even see you at the bar. Cause I was for sure there then the next second apparently I was crying next to my Christmas tree because nobody believed in me.
I know I don't have feelings for him because I feel completely ashamed every time after we have sex
I behisseth at your soul from the deepest darkest depths of the earth
I told him I had the birth control implant in my arm and he looked me in the eyes, said "Science!" and came in me
Ill try not let guys feel my boobs for free drinks next time, no promises tho. I am my boyfriends worst nightmare.
Nope. Im a prince of the americas. I treat my women like future queens. Also, im drunk watching the royal wedding
Listen, I love you but you cannot refer to your dick as the holy sister anymore
Did u find my other sock in your bra? U said u were uneven so I did the gentlemanly thing.
Randomize
