So I was just looking through the calendar on my phone seeing what day new years was on & on dec 31st at 9am it says "nude champagne toast". Guess we have to do it.
I just walked by that girl who tried to commit suicide over me in high school. That was weird.
Its that time of year where we just drink more instead of dressing warmer
Dude. It just hit me for a second time. My thumbs are huge and moving very quickly. Like stampeding buffalo...
How bad is it if you swallow a really small piece of glass? Be optimistic if possible I'm anxious about it.
I tried...failed..now im naked on the futon since clothes are hard.
We can Fuck in the shower to save time
And this is why I like you. You're so damn innovative.
I've taken a shot every five minutes for the past twenty. His valentines cupcakes are going to be a fucking delicious vodka induced mess. Thinking about putting vodka in this next batch. I'm the best girlfriend.
all a girl really needs is a few good pair of leggings and a drug dealer that delivers.
Friends don't let friends put redi whip in their wine
Last night at the bar you we're seriously going up to people and pushing through them like they were bowling pins and you were a bowling ball
I'm actually kinda upset that we didn't consider velcro-ing detachable capes to our clothes before this moment.
I'd love you more if you were covered in hot cheetos
What are you gunna do with your life today
put it back together
all my friends are getting married and here i am in a committed relationship with rum
Randomize
