just took a cab, driver just asked what i'd been drinking- i said vodka, he said "can't do vodka-drunk, it makes me feel like i'm giving birth to myself" ...no comment
the day after is always just damage control
he's making romantic advances towards me. and he has a pet snake. 2nd part not relevant, but interesting.
At one point we asked the guy to play "the lion sleeps tonight" with his bagpipes. Best version ever.
A lesson I learned in the hospital....when you masturbate while attached to a heart monitor, it scares the nurses a lot.
Maybe if i steal enough bar glasses i can justify all the money spent i've spent there
i will see naked twins by the end of the night. that's all i know
I want a picture of impoverished children wearing Oregon national champions shirts.
Yes, I feel sorry for the tribe that gets those. They won't be able to hide from the lions.
Jesus told me in my dream not to go to the party. I am athiest for tonight PARTY ON
Help everyone's hot
Men are hot women are hot non-binary people are hot aliens are hot
We almost ended up sober because of u!!
last time we were there you stole a tap from the toilets. How are you confused that your bag is full of baubles you clearly can't stop collecting their furnishings
the party picked up after I got pretty drunk...I got kicked in the fucking head by a tiny lesbian...she was 5'1" I did not think she could do it...i was very wrong
he was Irish, I had to have sex with him.
Its not that hard to understand he's my holiday boyfriend, we ignore each other most of the year except on holidays when I give him head
Randomize
