apparently they started giving me water shots and i couldnt tell the difference
worms taste like bacon by the way.
I always wondered what they tasted like.
her idea of "friends with benefits" is her doing my laundry. i'm cool with it.
Please tell me the foreign boys in the kitchen this morning were yours.
Doing lines and watching a show on hot dogs around the world ... Why do I do this to myself
Chicken strips. I got my nose broken because of Chicken strips.
My roommate took my designated hickey removing spoon out of the freezer.
This is what my life has come to. Like, I may or may not have just stolen pizza from the guy I just hooked up with's fridge when I left...
I think the universe has a conglomeration of sentences reserved only for me.
Sex and sushi don't even sound good right now... I might be on my death bed. To my Liz, I leave my extensive movie collection and my drinking supplies. To Olive I leave my car. Cause every Scottish terrier needs a 2010 Camaro.
I climbed out of the shower to him sitting on the floor trimming his pubes with nail clippers, we both just started laughing at how drunk we were
She kept giving the uber driving directions and we all thought they were wrong so we'd send him the other way. Turns out she wasn't guiding us home, but to the half gallon that she hid in the bushes on the way to the bar.
Wow two curved penises in one weekend. I feel like this may be good luck. Like finding a four leaf clover
I was the only one in group sessions to bring up sex as a stress reliever. Some of those people were awfully judgy despite the fact we were all in a psych ward.
Ur betting me $100 that I can't do ur sister?
Randomize
