my number is 615-555-1212, <3 your favorite asshole
I hope my theory books are in my locker, but if not, I guess I can always share with you.
Who said I want to share with you?
You've sucked my dick, I'm pretty sure you don't care if I look at your theory book.
it looked like a condom graveyard when i woke up. they were everywhere
you made sure to tell everyone that the amount of people you had slept with was actually quite low, especially when the size of your breasts was taken into account
I took the chef home. His dick even tasted like garlic
Just threw up in the garbage can outside the liquor store... I'm pretty sure that's some sort of distress signal.
i saw the poster for your lost tequila... what a shame
The "don't get cum on anything" rule also applies to my furniture and scarves
That's not technology. Doesn't count.
So i am officially handcuffed to the pole on the party bus while taking jello shots.....this shall be an interesting night
He simply fell in the fire, rolled out and continued to finish his bottle of vodka. Everyone else instantly sobered up just watching it.
& I just realized there is no vomit smiley. There needs to be a vomit smiley
According to Joseph, last night I crawled into bed and told him to pretend I'm his French maid, and then started speaking with a German accent, and referring to his manbits as "ze greatest Weiner schnitzel I'd ever seen". Basically, last night was a roaring success.
Of course I fucked her, her man stole my bike when we were kids
Cum just came out of my nose. That is all.
I'm at home, drunk, and I just called the guy I lost my virginity to and invited him to my wedding.. I've got to stop drinking by myself.
Randomize
