do u usually make out with people before telling them your name???
so he expects you to be his vegas whore for the season. nice.
singing james blunt while drunk. tell me thats not wonderful
Now that the olympics are over we have no excuse for getting belligerently drunk for nationalism every night.
You know me. Don't need roses, just dick and food.
I would like to apologize for my MANY attempts of trying to motor boat you.
We dared each other to drink Arbor Mist, and I waterboarded someone with tequila.
She was eating leaves off of trees and saying it was salad, and even told a guy in passing that her favorite color was plaid.
Do drug dealers work on Memorial Day?
Hey are you going to the pride parade? If so get me a shit ton of condoms
On Friday, can we drink like its Civil Wars times and the doctor's coming to saw off our gangreen infected legs?
A homeless man gave him a blanket and an ambulance drove him to sarahs...
We had sex on the bear rug. He said "you, me and the bear. This is bear-idise"
it went well until I said "me" instead of "my" and he kept sexting me in character as a pirate
Well I just had a flashback of something I did in the 4th grade. Now I can't go back to sleep.
Randomize
