There was a punch bowl full of straight vodka. Glass bowl, ladle, vodka, and no punch at all. It was something of a rough night
How did you get the entire couch up on it's side and into the bathroom?
She spilled some tequila on her hair somehow and I guess I felt bad for her, so I yelled "ROOMIES FOR LIFE" and dipped my hair in my tequila.
That's cool. At least the punch line of my story isn't I shit in a booth at Denny's.
I might have been fine if i had magic teleportation powers and could have skipped the car ride between bar and home
To be clear, the next time I wake up with your dick inside me, I will reach down and grab one and squeeze until it pops like a grape. You've been warned.
im not trying to sound dramatic, but im covered in microwavable lasagna
Just saw the trailer for Spike Lee's version of Oldboy. They filmed a lot of it in A's building so like every scene features a place where I had or almost had sex. If oral counts then pretty much every scene.
George Washington did not fight for our freedom just to have people shit themselves all night
Your grandma changed her Netflix password :(
Jamie's fucking a senior citizen and I'm eating chips and salsa in the shower at 2am, so whatever you're doing it can't be worse.
Today's forecast: 90% chance of bad decisions, good stories, solid new dick and artichoke pizza
I legit measured his penis against my chapstick and it was too close to call. So that was my night.
I just told my mormon professor that I was late because I was getting a STD test... good start to the day.
Ever find a porn video so groundbreaking you mentally cancel all your Dick Appointments for the week?
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