What are you drinking?
Shitty Coors light. OM NOM NOM TASTES LIKE HIGH SCHOOL
Is it wrong of me that I wish I could be a midget for a day so I can give head standing up?
Well look at it this way, if he should happen to get into a terrible accident within the next 2 days, its okay.. i have his dental records on my ass cheek.
NASCAR RACE 2010 NO REGRETZZZ!!!
It is literally 8 in the morning.
she puked as i came inside her. that has to mean something.
your ex girlfriend just barged in my house, drunk, mumbled something about "car strip", and put a huge hole in my drywall with her head.
Nypd just made jon and hayes chug their forties.
We invited our waitress tonight to come too.... we told her she had lightning in her veins and in return she taught us a Texas Roadhouse dance so the logical next step was invite her to a kegger.
I woke up with a pinecone in my hair. A full pine cone.
You were dancing with his friend and you stopped to literally push the girl he was dancing with out of the way to make out with him
I AM HANGING OUT WITH ADORABLE DOGS SURROUNDED BY NATURE. GOD BLESS AMERICA AND ALSO BYE CIVILIZATION AND PANTS.
Are you at a park?
I'm hoarding IKEA meatballs in my purse
You would think by the size of the lump on my ass that I would have remembered falling down a flight of stairs.
Just laying in bed, snuggling my cat, and pondering whether I'd like to attend a swingers party this evening...
it's your last night here, let's make it one we may or may not remember.
Randomize
