There is something about listening to Patsy Cline while pooping that makes the experience so much better.
Gross thing of the day...i got cum in my new boots
Just spent a extra 20 minutes on the phone with the lady from unemployment talking about how to make the best brownies.
I'm pretty sure he's lost all respect for me. it probably happened somewhere around the time i had officially slept with every single one of his friends..
Unless you can cure my hangover with your penis I'm not interested.
She dresses cool and she's mean. And she has fake boobs I feel like I can relate to her on so many levels.
I tried to find the bar, ended up at a car dealership. Then the alarms went off.
You left your underwear in a sandwich bag on my kitchen counter.
Like an undercooked grilled cheese that got cold again. But hairy.
And there goes my desire for sandwiches. Forever.
Is it a bad thing that I've made out with everybody I work with?
I want you to know that the guy who peed in your bed got fat.
I thought I was really making her scream. Turns out she had a Lego jammed in her lower back.
I'm telling you, I 'm beginning to think that my vagina is magical.
It was kind of like hidden Mickey ears, but with dicks.
He’s going to a lawnmower race. I got a Brazilian and he’s racing a lawnmower race. Pick me up. I’m not wasting this waxing on John Deer
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