Needless to say when I told my parents they loved me less
Why I am the classiest girl you know: just mixed drinks for everyone on the baby changing station at the movie theater.
I wrote a list of all my homework due in the next few weeks. I feel I've done enough for tonight.
I couldn't even finish, she was lounder and more annoying than DJ Khaled
Good for him. He wanted to accomplish walking across niagara, I'm hoping to accomplish not throwing up tomoro nite, we all have our own priorities in life.
How did "late lunch" turn into 8 solid hours of drinking??? I feel like death.
All I know is I want him to tie me up at least twice a week and I have an overwhelming urge to cook for him. Could this be love? I'm so confused....
I'M NOT READY TO BE AB ADULT YET!!!
Do you think I'm short enough to dress up in a ghost costume and go trick or treating and have people believe that I'm actually a child?
i came home after a long day at work and she dropped a plate of cheesecake and a bottle of whiskey in front of me and said here's dinner
She didn't get a tit job, she's just wearing the right size bra for once
I think the moment she woke up butt naked on a mattress with her phone still on her face was the point she knew last night was fucked up
so I think we need to change lawn care services...the guy woke me up by the pool while I was naked...told me he already picked up all the beer cans for us and gave me his number for the next time we party...
Guy from the bar last night left his number on my waterbill on the counter, at the bottom he put don't forget I can hook you up at Little Caesars I work their part time.
You sure know how to pick em.
My favorite part was making you pull out your lucky steelers vibrator and show it to jerome bettis at the bar
Randomize
