i'm watching degrassi (go figure) and the episode is about jimmy not being able to get a boner and now he's famous and rapping about popping pussies..i dont get it.
i jus seen this fat chick walk buy look like she had don king coming out her arm pits..
I know I'm all grown up when I don't have to take my pregnancy test in the store bathroom anymore.
how do you say happy birthday to the guy that almost got you pregnant? i cant just write the same thing as last year.
In line at the grocery store. The girl ahead of me is in a wetsuit and just bought 3 cases of beer and a bottle of vodka. I want to go where she's going...
Aparently i was the only guy at her parents bbq throwing up in the pool so Im the asshole right...
Who invented hangovers? And why did I make out with him and eat an entire can of chilli mixed with hot fries while screaming "YOU ONLY GRADUATE ONCE" last night?
He set two of my ex boyfriends on fire at two different bars without anyone knowing it was him or how it happened either time. He might be a fucking super hero
I mean, they were small fires and no one got hurt, but still. Awesome.
On a scale from 1 to the worst weekend of my life, that was an 11. I can see again, though.
I just had a flashback to the three of us in the bed and me shouting AM I THE BIGGEST OR LITTLEST SPOON?!
No more margaritas for you. Also, tequila should be reclassified as a hallucinogen.
I'm not allowed back because I may or may not have insulted his beer. And the entire Czech Republic.
You know you're drunk when you're apologizing for your asshole at 4am to the toilet. Eat shit habanero bbq sauce, you've ruined my life.
OMFG I JUST SEARCHED DILDO ON THE WORK SHARED AMAZON ACCOUNT!!!!!
Do u think the bouncer will let me in with a giant stuffed snake?
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