This is some kinda fucked up sordid doggy brothel peepshow bullshit.
there's a booger on my laptop, i suspect it's yours
You were so high at Ikea last night that you were convinced you could speak Swedish. The whole the time you were our navigator and when we got to the cashier you were hitting on the lady. When she gave you her number you told her you were saving her number as Inglfurfta cuaue she must be swedish since she works there.
She tried to keep her legs crossed last night while doing a keg stand. Way to keep it classy.
Its kinda awkward hearing him say the food taste like ass considering what he did last night.
no, i'm currently making the trek across campus to get all my stuff from last night. My ID is in one guys bed, and my camera in another guy's bed.
Woke up on a mattress on a roof this morning with a pair of briefs next to me. Oh fleet week.
No dude, he just dipped his cigarette info ranch dressing and lit it. He's said he normally doesn't do that but it's Memorial Day.
She said she had a surprise for me and sent me a video of her having sex with some fat dude. It was a mood killer
Because drinking and showering don't go hand in hand. There that's my PSA of the day.
Well just give me the address, I'll bring the bourbon. If they let that into mental institutions
I am drunk and aggressive about the olympixs
It's spelled Olympics
Why is the turtle in the toilet again?
Well as I was puking in the tub I put him in there to keep me company but I am almost positive the original setup was him in the tub and me next to the toilet...I hope he likes tequila
they told me that it was glow in the dark and would make me magical. I was too drunk to say no. I woke up to a purple vagina.
its like a neon Im stupid as fuck sign
You'll be pleased to know I just had an elaborate day dream about your penis. you were there too.
Randomize
